change yet again.

I hear of more and more people getting married in the past couple of years. Maybe cause I'm getting to that age where the people around me are all looking for the same thing. I'm happy for a lot of my friends and family members who are getting married. I too dream of that day. Since I was young, I always thought I knew what I wanted. I always thought that by a certain age, things would come naturally to me; to anyone.

But as the past few years have gone by, I've realized that certain things about me haven't changed much and I'm not what I expected to be at all. Sure I have all these material things, a secure job (as secure as advertising can be...), a decent place. Hopefully I don't sound ungrateful, but I guess what I'm looking for is something beyond this. I want to be a better person. I want to change.

Yet lately, I seem like I've slipped off the tracks and things ended up blowing up in my face. It's forced me to question my own motives and the decisions I've made in life. It's been hard to look at certain people lately, knowing that I've veered off my original path and headed straight for a dead-end, and dragged them along the way.

Sometimes we just want to grab our old selves and shake the shit out of us (or is it them?)... Slap some sense into that absent-minded brain of ours. It's too bad time machines haven't been built yet. But I suppose it's why we have a memory; to learn from our mistakes.

It's funny how in movies, they usually flash a montage of all the events that lead up to the character's realization of some mystery or event. It really reflects the reality of it how it goes in "real life". When something major happens, we get all these flashbacks and then... "FUCK!" is the word that usually comes out of our mouths. Unless you're a very proper person... Then it'd end with "Gosh darn it!"

Bah. I suppose if all decisions were made for you in life, there'd be no point in living it...