cycle of life.

Bicycles... I regret ever buying that KHS hybrid two years ago for $500-600 cause for that price, I could've gotten a really decent road bike... But oh well. It's now my backup bike for anyone who's in town and wants to ride with me.

About a month ago now, I went with Tessar to buy an $80 12-speed VeloSport vintage bike in Scarborough, which was a really good deal, until the problems came flooding in a week later. A faceplant, warped rims, blown tire... Sigh. But it's still my favourite bike to ride, despite all the problems and grief it's given me. I'm keeping that baby and turning it into my every day bike. Gonna pimp it out. It's a bit of a project bike, but piece by piece. Just have to be patient.

As for the third bike, I bought it off of Craig's List, but I traded this metallic blue 59cm Raleigh Rampar for a 53cm frame metallic grey SIS L'Image road bike. It's considerably, smaller, but the 59cm frame was a bit big for me. And because of the small size of the SIS, I'll probably be turning it into a fixie, when I have the money. Hopefully by next spring, it'll be converted. Pictures to come...

I've been thinking about volunteering at CBN (Community Bicycle Network) and hopefully learn how to build and repair bikes so I can really start getting to know my bikes better; especially to maintain them. But I've spoken a lot about volunteering in the past and it's never happened so we'll see when it actually happens... haha.

The past two weeks have been blasts from the past. I saw some college friends from my very first year at Sheridan 7 years ago. I haven't seen these guys in forever. Hooking up with them was so fun but talking about the past really made me think about how old we are, and how long ago that was. It brought back up some really good times and people I had completely forgotten about. And just yesterday, I had dinner with a friend from high school who I have barely spoken to in almost 9 years. Brought some memories back. It's always a really fun time to catch up with people in person. Catching up with people through emails and Facebook just isn't the same, really.

Looking back at the high school days and the early college days, it almost feels like a dream; another life. Memory is weird like that... If you don't hold on to it, it'll fade like a forgotten dream in the morning. You need that spark to revive it from time to time. At least, the important ones; the good ones.

just another lush day.

It's been nothing but a smile on a face lately. Reason being that when something in your life takes a right turn, it affects everything else in your life: your state of mind, your relationships, your health and so on. Everything about you brightens up. I couldn't ask for more at this moment. I know I say this a lot but I could never be thankful enough for the people in my life.

As for work, it's been nothing but faaaanntastic! Working on a lot of animations and with great designers. My only complaint is that I really miss working near Chinatown. Bay/Bloor is nothing but food courts and it's sad that we even have nicknames for the two food courts... sigh... There's a Pho Hung across the street from the ROM so I might end up going there one of these days. Just have to convince the co-workers to make that trek there. The convincing part will be a bit difficult, as I seem to be the only one who gets excited over pho.

I rode my first fixie bike Wednesday night. Tessar was awesome enough to teach me how to skid-stop and such. I gotta say... It's so weird to ride a fixed gear bike. I'd forget for a split second that I can't stop pedaling, but then I'd get a reminder as the pedal kicks your leg up as you try to rest up. I can't even imagine what it'd be like going downhill!! BUT I do want one now... The frame is soooo light!! My thighs are still sore from all that practice with the skid-stops. Also, a link that was sent to me from Tessar: Bamboo Bike Studio. Innovatively green ideas. So awesome. I want one of those too...

I made a hilarious video for my good friend John Thai's 26th birthday and played it for him and his friends at the party. I know it's on Facebook and that many of you have already seen it, but for you randoms who stumble upon my blog about nothing, hopefully this will at least make you smile... Enjoy!

no time left for you.

Hmm.... So much to go on about. It's been a pretty busy month, between my portfolio, work, and my personal life. Luckily I was only unemployed for 3 weeks, thanks to the great friends that I have. It's another new beginning, meeting great people and seeing great work. Definitely better work environment to say the least.

Been doing a lot of things on my own lately, and have been really enjoying the me time. Biking to the beaches and discovering new places around Toronto is always fun. Earth Hour was pretty cool too, though I was pretty disappointed when I left Nathan Phillips Square early that practically everywhere else in Toronto was still brightly lit.

Went to DC with my brother, aunt and uncle and the folks over the long weekend. It was... hmmm, interesting...? All I have to say is that I'm never going on another Chinese bus tour ever again. It was so horribly organized. The tour guide was brutal and really took away from an experience that could have been decent. I was hoping for something relaxing since work and freelance combined have been pretty overwhelming. It was the complete opposite. It's definitely an experience I don't want to go through again.

We only had 2 hours to shop at the Woodbury Outlet Malls. Even though I've been there before, and knew where my favourite stores were, I still needed at least 3 or 4 hours. I walked out with only a $15 casual dress shirt from Esprit. Pretty good deal but it sucks that I didn't have time for any more. Was hoping to find a nice comfortable pair of shoes for Asia.

The ride back was most brutal; for me especially. We left Washington at 730am, got back to Montreal at 1130pm because we were stuck at the border for 3 hours. I had to catch the 1230am bus to Toronto so I could work at 9am. My legs, back and neck were cramping up, my stomach was hurting from the constant motion, I wanted to fall asleep but I just couldn't. I got to Toronto at 630am, and slept for an hour and rushed to work. What I failed to realize was that the office was closed. I wasn't told last week, and I've never had Easter Monday off from school or from work before so I assumed everything was operating as usual. The office was empty. Sigh.

I hate Hon Adventures. I should create a Wikipedia article defining what a Hon Adventure is. I'm really looking forward to just taking a month off of work and just travel. I was really hoping to take a week off after I got laid off to get my shit together and relax for a week, but I feel like I've been so much busier unemployed during those 3 weeks. My good friend Hannah's traveling Asia right now and it sounds like she's having so much fun learning. I was hoping to meet up with her before she came back to TO, but we'll JUST miss each other. It's too bad, but I'm hoping to experience some of what she's experiencing right now. You can read about her adventures here.

Someone at work told me about Grooveshark. It's really amazing; you can type in any artist or song and you can build a playlist and embed and everything. They even have Chinese artists! Much nicer and cleaner design than iMeem. iMeem's just a mess. I'm switching over to Grooveshark for my music-of-the-moment player.

snacky in my stummy.

Ceremony - Curtis Ian and the Joy Division

It's been a pretty hectic and busy week. A bit overwhelming, to be honest. So many important decisions to make, with so little time to make them. I was really hoping to get just one week of rest and to get my shit together before the jobhunt began, but I feel like I've been running really low on sleep, and less energy to do what I want to do: finish my portfolio. I guess it's a good thing.

I've been working from home lately, and sometimes I find it hard to focus until after dinner. Another weird thing... I've never known myself to be a snacky person. I'm a meal person. I eat big meals, and that's it. I may have one or two glasses of water or a drink between meals, but no granola bars, no chocolate bars, no crackers, nothing. But for some reason, working from home is starting to change that... I constantly feel like I need something in my mouth.. (no, you dirty bastards. no.) And because I've never had a history of snacking, I have nothing in the apartment to feed that craving.

So, I've been making mini-meals. Like instant noodles or eating leftovers. I'm thinking a part of it might be procrastination at work; eating just so I'm doing anything but the work I'm supposed to. Maybe I should start doing my work at Second Cup or Williams so I'm out of the apartment...

Joy Division's Ceremony has been in my head all day. Great song. Oh and thanks for the bike ride Kyra. Gotta explore the other parts of High Park when it's not so muddy and cold. It's awesome to finally have a biking buddy.

moving along.

My glove...


Hand damage.


My left hip and my right knee. I found the knee bruise one this morning...


This morning after some healing. For some reason it looks worse than yesterday...


Had my first bike wipe-out yesterday. There was minor damage.

It was a looong Friday the 13th. With only 4 hours of sleep the night before, I had to be up for a dentist appointment. It was somewhat painful yet relaxing. I actually quite enjoy going to the dentist's for cleaning. Met up with friends for lunch, and a lot more people than I expected came out to see me. Got my stuff from my desk thanks to Jakob. Said some goodbyes, though I'm sure it won't be the last time I see any of them.

On my way home, I was biking pretty fast down Richmond, and tried to hang a right on Augusta. Because of my speed, I slowed down and took a wide right. A car was coming down the side street, also making a wide turn, so he was pretty much driving in the middle of the street. I panicked and clenched the brakes a bit too hard. My left hand beat my right hand to a full squeeze, so my front brakes locked up before my rear did, causing me to fly over my bike... That's the last thing I remember, since everything happened so fast. Next thing I knew, I was on my side, picking myself up off the pavement...

It was embarassing more than anything. Minor damage to myself, nothing too bad on the bike, and no damage to my clothes, which is really good... Though my pants looked all torn to begin with, haha. My right glove was torn.

Anyway, I went home to nurse my wounds and screamed like a girl when I put peroxide to disinfect. Took a video, but I probably won't post it. At least not right now. The night ended with video games at Rich and Jenna's til 1:30AM, then walked home.

Anyway, it's a nice day out. Gonna go for a bike ride... :D

love for work, work for love.

Getting laid off feels a lot like a break up. It doesn't matter whether you see it coming or not. The confusion in your mind keeps jumping from hate to love and love to hate. A part of you wants to just forgive and forget, move on, and be happy. To just live your life. And then suddenly, it hits you. The fact that you've put in so much effort, so much of your blood, sweat, and tears, invested so much for something that you cared for, for the sake of love for design/design for love. All that to get you where you're at now. Unemployed/broken-hearted. Relationship or job, it's the same feeling, really.

You go through certain phases. At first, you're shaken, shocked. You hate them for what happened. For doing what had to be done. For not having things done on your terms. Then you come to acceptance, to understanding, to seeing why it happened. You get the support you need. You feel better. Happiness comes back, you have fun, and you see that it's no big deal. Life goes on. But then after the support team leaves you, at the end of the night when you're in bed and with nothing else in your mind but what happened that day, you can't help but reflect upon it. And denial and disbelief come back. And it becomes a cycle of mood swings over and again until time allows you to forgive and forget.

Well, at least no bridges burned. But the thoughts in my head are still flying at light speed and hurting my head a little. It's weird to get to know a place or person so well for so long, every day and then suddenly, nothing. With that said, it's comforting to at least know that this is only something I'm going through and that I'll get through this in time. And also that I'm not the only one in this boat. LOL

keep your eyes on the prize of life.

Wow. This economy mass lay-off is for real... I and a few others are now newly unemployed. That kind messes my plans up for Asia in May... Thanks for the work experience, I guess... I was the second longest employee at the place. I guess at times like these loyalty doesn't count for much.

Well, it's not the end of the world. Money isn't everything. I want to live a meaningful life, and if that's what it takes to get there, so be it. I've met some great friends and learned a lot, so nothing was wasted. It was great working with you guys! With the industry being so small, I'm sure I'll run into you at some point, if I don't grab a beer with you first.

Thanks guys, for all your support. I love you all. I guess 2009 is the reset button for me. Fresh starts. Here's a lay-off tracker. Keep yourself in the know. Kick it up a few notches, and best of luck to you all!

do you mind.

Hey Jude - Wayne Gratz

Happy daylight savings!

I finally put in the next movie off the list. Waking Life. The movie brought me back to Professor Anthony Falikowski's philosophy class at Sheridan. I really love hearing the different concepts and perspectives of life. The movie made me reflect quite a bit afterwards.

The views and theories from some of the discussions in the movie for the most part, aren't new to me. I've read about them and learnt them in class, and different books. And I think that's why lately, I've been so self-aware, when I'm not caught up in the moment, caught up with emotions. But it's nice to get a reminder to keep my mind open to these things instead of living unconciously through life, going from one trend to another, one fad to the next.

As I was reflecting on the movie afterwards, something else came to my mind. Nothing that relevant to the movie, really. This holds true for me, but I don't know about you: Isn't it strange how much we look at ourselves in the mirror every day from our childhood until now, and yet, if we try to remember a moment when we looked at ourselves in the mirror when we were young, we really can't see that childhood face, what it looked like outside from what we've seen in photos?


Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
— Albert Einstein

dreaming of exes and pho's.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Theme - Jon Brion

Had pho today. So good. Couldn't handle a large though. Had to settle for a medium. It's really too bad the prices went up at Pho Pasteur. I'd go more often if they didn't jack up the prices. I don't know where, I don't know when, but one day, I'll find a place that serves a large bowl of pho with the works for the price of a small. I'd go there every day if there was such a place. Maybe I should just move to Vietnam...

I have no idea why in the last couple of weeks I've been having so many dreams involving my past relationships. Well... maybe I do. Probably because of How I Met Your Mother. Gee eff number two has made quite a few appearances, but gee eff number three appeared this morning for the first time in a long time. So weird. Nothing really changes from dream to dream. Pretty much reflects what I hope for in life. Some mornings are a bit more disappointing than others, but hey, what's success without disappointment, right?

A fresh start is in order. Come May, the first steps to major changes in my life will take place. It's time to open my eyes and broaden my perspective on life. I'm going to do all the looking back I can now, but as soon as spring comes, I stay focused on me. I think my new motto will be Take care of your life and life will take care of you. Leap of faith, baby. Leap of faith.

sunshine.

I remember last year around this time, Huffster and I would look at the time as we got off work each day and try and see the progress of sunlight coming out earlier and earlier. Then daylight savings came and saved the day.

This year, the transition was a lot more drastic. In the past couple of weeks, I've been getting off work in darkness every day. But then out of no where today, I noticed that there was still light out. The light must've snuck up on me in the past couple of weeks since I've been working later than usual. This only means one thing. Spring and sunshine is coming!

i believe in _ _ _ _.

Je t'attends; c'est ton choix.

I swear it's going to be the last How I Met Your Mother post. It's too funny... I'd be selfish not to post this one. Neil Patrick Harris is too good...

each day gets better.

I just finished all the episodes I had on my computer of How I Met Your Mother. I now need Season 4, Episode 14... Having watched so many episodes in such a short period of time, it started to get into my head. And much like anything I do too much of, I start dreaming about it in my sleep.

This show had much to do with friends, dating, relationships, and love. As such, it brought certain people back into my life in the middle of the night. People I care for but don't get to talk to anymore, would visit me. And much like the show, we would see through past conflicts and interact with the best of each other. I would see that person as I remembered her.

But as the sun rolls out, the fog fades. And with the blink of an eye, that world, that life that felt so real, collapses. As this reality vanishes within seconds, the emotional residue would linger on for days to come.

But time will heal if we let it. After all, each day gets better.

...
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not. Cause she's gone..

on a scale of one to ten.

Cannonball - Damien Rice

How much does he wish it true...

Am I reading into things too much, seeing what I want to see? Or are the swirling thoughts in my head actually becoming the truth...?

I've been dreaming like I'm supposed to be.
I've been staring at the sun knowing I'm lucky.

Eleven.

love and hate. life and death.

What Sarah Said - Death Cab for Cutie

I've been working long hours all week (minus Tuesday, as I didn't make it in to work..) I haven't really minded working the extra hours, since it's been pretty busy and I've actually felt really productive, for the first time in a long time. On my way home, I struck a bit of luck, if you can call it that. I found a $5 bill on the floor of the company lobby, as I was heading home. It wasn't the highlight of my day, but hey, it's something... lol

As I walked home in the rain, I caught something that made me jump. I'm one of those childish people who like to step on thin curbs to try and balance themselves. As I walked up on this sewage grate that had a curb around it, I saw a dead giant rat lying lifeless on the side of the curb.

I was pretty disgusted at first, but then as I observed it in the rain, the disgust went away and the reality of life came to me. Life is short enough for humans. I can't even imagine what life would be like for a rat... dirtay.

Times like these, I thank the force of nature I call God for making me human.

So who's gonna watch you die...?

i love. i do.

Endless Love - Luther Vandross & Mariah Carey

I have some Luther tonight dedicated to my loving brother who is now a married man. On paper. The reception won't be until the summer, so lots of time to prep things. The vows were exchanged at the Markham Civic Centre next to Unionville High School. Beautiful place for a beautiful couple. Congrats you two lovebirds!! Welcome to the family, Stella! It's crazy to think that I have a sister-in-law now. Maybe I'll be an uncle in a couple of years. Amayssingk.

Anyway, I've been noticing a lot more couples forming this year already. For anyone in love out there, congrats and happy loving. For anyone who hasn't found that special someone yet, keep at it. Things will come into place.

I found out about this really neat tradition in Japan through my language exchange partner. She said that in Japan on February 14th, Valentine's day, all the girls are supposed to give out gifts, cards or whatnot to guys they like. A month later, on March 14th, they have what they call White Day. That's when all the girls are waiting with anticipation for the boys to return a gift. If they do, then it's a sign that they like them back. If not, then it shows that they have no interest in them. We should have a holiday like that. You'd have a nice month to think about things, haha. You can read all about it here.

I've been watching a lot of How I Met Your Mother, lately. So hooked on it. I've been feeling a bit like Ted Mosby lately. But I need a Barney Stinson in my life to make things more entertaining... Seems like the past couple of weeks have all been about love. Maybe it's time.